You know when you go to a buffet, only to find that everything is infested with flies and has been sneezed on? And that the salads are covered in mayonnaise and the chicken has dried out and someone touched all the rolls before selecting one? That’s what my dating life has been like for the past month.
I haven’t touched anything- mainly because my options fall on a spectrum that includes “Beefy Brett”-a man who routinely sends me ass selfies- “Beefy Brian”-who has the ever so charming screenname “FitGirlsOnly” (you got the wrong girl, pal)….. and this:
I touched on the Disappearing Man earlier, and I’ll elaborate now. There’s a pattern: Emails are exchanged, followed by phone numbers and a few weeks of text messages. Tentative plans are made and broken, and then one or both parties drop off the face of the earth. The man resurfaces via text 1-2 weeks later with “hey what’s up?” at which point his number has been deleted and I have to google the zip code and try to remember the name of the guy I was talking to that was originally from Idaho.
The diagnosis? Online dating ADD. Too many choices making men feel like they are wildly popular. What’s that you say? It’s my heinous personality and shitty attitude, not ADD? I’m right there with you, except that I have a friend back home dealing with the exact same issue and she is a lovely person.
Inspired by the aforementioned beefcakes, who I hope to share more about in the future, I present to you a recipe for Bro-tein Brownie Bites. The name is an ode to the infamous “Bros” of Huntington Beach, a faction that Beefy Brett is a part of. Read more about the bros and their passion for
decorum douchebaggery here.
“Bro-tein” Brownie Bites
- 1/2 cup brownie mix (I used Pamela’s GF)
- 1/2 cup chocolate vegan protein powder, preferably soy-free (I like Perfect Fit or VegaOne)
- one egg
- 1/4 cup oil (I used combo of grapeseed and coconut)
- 1/4 cup almond milk (or any milk)
- 1/4 cup pureed avocado (use fork or hand blender until lumps are gone)
- chocolate chips **IF your protein is unsweetened, add agave or maple syrup to batter to desired sweetness**
Set oven to 325.
In bowl, combine protein powder and brownie mix. Add wet ingredients, chocolate chips, and stir to combine. Batter should be able to be spooned into cups but not firm like cookie dough- add more milk if not thin enough. Spray mini cupcake tin with oil and spoon in batter, about 2/3 full. Bake for 12-16 min.
A note about cooking with protein powder: There is a lot of trial and error due to the types of proteins out there. This is why you’ll need to experiment with the amount of liquid you add. I prefer to work with vegan, soy-free powders because they are more like flour and less gummy.