American Apple Crisp and a Brazilian with a Lisp

After several weeks of texting, I hung out with Jose, a graphic designer originally from Brazil.  He and I met up at a cute, trendy Mexican restaurant that shared a parking lot with his apartment building.  How lazy can these guys possibly be?  If I had known this ahead of time I would have never agreed to that particular load of horse shit.

Jose was handsome in a Euro sort of way.  He looked like Enrique Iglesias and spoke like Fez from That 70’s Show.  Despite his lisp, his English was not bad, and he was an interesting guy who was goal-oriented and down to earth.  He shared stories about growing up in Rio and coming from a family of doctors.  “My sister, she…she…she work on….da butthole. Prop…prop…” “Proctologist.” I interjected.  And really, guy?  Over Mexican food?


There wasn’t really a spark between us, but I enjoyed hearing his stories about growing up in Rio and his interesting job designing Skittles commercials.  I had no intention of allowing Fez to taste the rainbow, but I got suckered into going to see his apartment and meet his dog.  This is why you don’t go out on dates at 7 pm- because when they end at 8:30 it’s tough to convincingly say that it’s too late and you have to leave.

After being nearly mauled by his horse dog, Fez took his turn, but asked permission first.  “I liked you, I cans kiss you?”  What took place after that is of a personal nature, but our clothes stayed on and I left with a smile on my face.  I am perfectly okay with having not heard from him again as the chemistry just wasn’t there.  And also, when he asked to kiss me, it reminded me of this.

And now, for some sweet Americana….

This apple crisp is super-easy and can be made for one, two or twenty with simple adjustments.

The Jaded Single’s Apple Crisp for One


  • one medium apple, peeled and sliced thin (I like granny smith)
  • 1 TBSP butter, softened
  • 1/8 tsp cinnamon
  • pinch nutmeg
  • dash of salt
  • 2 TBSP quick-cooking oats
  • 2 TBSP coconut palm sugar or brown sugar
  • 1 TBSP flour

Preheat oven to 350.

**OPTIONAL HERO MOVE:  Toss apple slices with 1/2 tsp melted butter, and a healthy pinch of cinnamon.

Spread apples into bottom of ramekin or mini loaf pan.  Mix cinnamon, nutmeg, oats, sugar, salt and flour together.  Stir in butter until mixed, then crumble over top of apples.  Bake for 20-25 min.  Salute your American flag and enjoy!


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