You Got Beef? These tacos don’t. Plus a beefy bonus!

I love a nice taco, but lately I have been trying to reduce the amount of beef I consume to once a week only.  (Insert your own filthy innuendo here.)  Actually, it’s because cattle farming and the methane that accompanies it is quite horrible for the environment, and I try to take small steps to not contribute to that when I can.  Although to be fair, some of the humans I know put cow farts to shame.

Anyway, these tacos are a riff on street tacos, which don’t use the hard corn shell.  I’ve used a thick romaine leaf in place of the tortilla, and used ground turkey in place of beef.  No harm, just fowl.

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Skinny Street Tacos (serves one, duh)

Ingredients:

  • 1/4 lb ground turkey (not too lean)
  • taco seasoning (I like Spicely brand- see below on how to make your own)
  • 2 Tbsp diced onion
  • 3 large or 4 medium romaine leaves, washed and dried
  • assorted toppings: diced tomato, cheese, avocado

Mix together 1 Tbsp diced onion, 1-2 Tbsp seasoning, and turkey.  Sprinkle into skillet.  If turkey is lean, spray skillet with cooking spray.  Brown meat and cook through.  Spoon into leaves and top.

If you don’t have taco seasoning, you can try to make your own, which I have done before.  A good combo is onion powder, garlic powder, sea salt, cumin, paprika, chili pepper.

And now for a seriously NSFW side of beef….

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You Got Beef? (Part 2)

Around the same time that I connected with Beefy Brian, I was also contacted by a young man with the screen name “SoCalCool”. Now that’s an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one. I’ve stated before what I think about these ridiculous screen names and what they say about people. Beefy Brett spent over 5 hours a day at the gym and zero hours per day reading anything other than the back of the protein powder jar. One scoop? Or two? Durrrrr…..
So here we have another one who was going to waste my time with the text messages without ever meeting up- perfect. Why are you on a dating site?
Like Beefy Bri, Beefy Brett was persistent. The text message conversations were truly shocking. This man appeared to be functioning at a 5th grade education level, yet owned his own lucrative real estate business as well as a home. He also used the word “lol” more than a 12 year old girl, and said things like “I’m cereal!” instead of “I’m serious.” I felt like I was being catfished by a middle schooler. Behold:

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My head actually hurt from these interactions. Just when I was about to cut OMGXOXOLOLSMILEYFACELMAO Brett loose so he could go back to the Taylor Swift concert the gym, I received the following, which understandably stopped me in my tracks…

But which is extremely NSFW so proceed with caution!

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You Got Beef? (Part 1)

Yes, there have been cobwebs growing on this blog.  I’m sorry.

However,  it’s impossible to think that after reading about the two idiots I am about to discuss, anyone would ask  “Why haven’t you been dating much?”  To the typical Orange County girl, any beefy guy with a rock-hard body and gainful employment is a candidate for intercourse.  I remember sharing the story of receiving this text message with a dental hygienist, who completely skipped over the fact that he called me dull, and squealed “He said you’re gorgeous!!” Hence, I don’t feel bad about dragging these two fools through the mud in this entry; They are probably both rolling around with some equally vapid woman as I write this.

Beefy Brian messaged me with the ever-so-sensitive screenname “FitGirlsOnly”.  I don’t have a hard time admitting that it takes me about 3 weeks of pure starvation, sweating and misery to lose one blessed pound.  I informed him of this and recommended he look elsewhere.  I suppose he interpreted this as me playing hard to get (which I assured him I wasn’t) because he kept messaging me.

At the time, it was still ski season, and I was looking for someone to go with.  He was also very easy on the eyes.  So I allowed him to take my phone number.

It started out semi-normal.  He was an EMT going to paramedic school, and taught CPR on the side.  He also lived with his mom, although his reasons probably differed from mine, in that I think he was still breastfeeding.  A challenge was that he worked constantly, which I guess you have to when you make eight dollars an hour.  Nothing wrong with that, but I was getting fed up with our pen pal relationship.

The tone of the texts rapidly became perverse.  The only women who’s boobs he got near were probably elderly ladies with chest pain, so I imagine he persisted with the sexually-toned nonsense because he was hoping for fodder for his masturbation sessions.

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It got old very quickly.

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I knew that wrapping things up with this time-suck needed to be done carefully, as he had arranged for a discount on CPR training for all my coworkers, and I didn’t want him to show up at my place of work running his mouth.  Yes, I used a man from online dating for a discount on CPR. Can’t knock the hustle.

Luckily, he made it easy for me with the following text.  I found it appalling that anyone would send this to a woman for any reason, and his behavior had become a full-blown sham.  I told him to never contact me again, and to go back to driving his shambulance.

WARNING! NSFW and HIGHLY offensive

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